My Labour and Delivery Story

I haven’t had time to blog recently.  Work has been ridiculous, Amelia requires a lot of attention at the moment and in the evening all I want to do is chill out with Kelly on the couch.  I’ve been struggling for inspiration as well but Amelia is 19 months old now so it’s about time for my labour and delivery story.  It’s a long one so well done if you read it all.  TMI AHEAD WARNING!!

On Wednesday 11th November 2015 (this seems like a lifetime ago!) I woke up, went to the toilet and saw a little bit of blood and jelly like stuff on the toilet paper.  The previous day I’d been to the midwife and had a sweep so wondered if this could be the start of something.  Throughout the day I was having mild cramps on and off but managed to get on with my day and told Kelly to stay at work.  That night we went to bed and as soon as I led down I was in pain and so uncomfortable.  I told Kelly to get some sleep and I went downstairs and had to lean over the birthing ball rocking back and forth with every pain.  We had a brand new wooden floor so I had a towel underneath me as well just in case!  I led down in between and tried to sleep but didn’t get much at all.

The next morning when Kelly came downstairs I asked her to stay at home; I wasn’t 100% sure I was in labour but I needed her with me.  I rang the hospital and they told me to come in when the pains were every 3-5 minutes lasting for a minute.  The pains were getting worse but were very sporadic.  I could go for 11 minutes in between pains and then 2 minutes between.  I had a midwife appointment at 4pm so I decided to go to that if the pains were still like that and see what she thought.  Kelly stuck the TENS machine on that we rented from babytens and it did help, if only to distract from the pain by giving you a different pain!  As the day went on the pains were getting worse and closer together.  I had to stand up, walk into the kitchen and lean over the side to get through them but they still weren’t regular so I wondered if it was real labour.  It got to about 3pm and I was struggling to cope so I rang the hospital and told them I didn’t want to sit in a doctor’s waiting room having what I thought was contractions, so they told me to come in.

We were already packed so we got everything in the car and set off; via McDonald’s!  We hadn’t eaten much and I needed some energy right?  We got to the hospital and made our way up to the birthing suite.  Once we got up there everything hit me and I lost it a bit.  I was crying whilst contracting waiting to go into our room.  I felt like everyone was staring at me and I was certain we were going to get told to go home.  I was examined and I was shocked but so happy that I was 4cm dilated; I could stay and get in the pool!  Everyone talks about remembering their midwife but I can’t remember any of them and I had quite a few!  One of them explained to me that you usually dilate 1 cm every 2 hours for your first baby.  Every 2 hours!!! I thought it was nearly the end, how wrong was I!  After 2 hours I was at 6cm; the pool had helped massively but it was time for some gas and air.

For the next couple of hours we were left to it and I was getting quite giddy on the gas and air; showing Kelly how wrinkly my fingers were and then being a bit sick.  The McDonald’s might not have been a good idea after all!  At one point I got out to to have a wee and they asked if they could examine me.  I didn’t realise just how much the water was helping.  I was in agony and desperately wanted to get back in!  I think it was at around 8cm that my waters went.  It was such a satisfying feeling and I think I asked if I’d given birth!  From then on everything started to go really quickly, the pressure was indescribable.  I couldn’t use the gas and air anymore as it wasn’t doing anything now and I couldn’t concentrate enough.  I think this was what they call the transition period where I kept saying I couldn’t do it anymore and wanted it to be over.

I’d now been in the birthing pool for nearly 9 hours and the midwife told me I was ready to start pushing.   This is where I feel like I went a bit wild.  I really went within myself and don’t remember anything that went on around me.  It took me 50 minutes to push Amelia out and they say you forget the pain of crowning…I will never ever forget that pain!  Apparently 50 minutes is really good for your 1st baby; I was so tired that I gave it every last bit of energy I had.

At 1:40am after 10 hours of established labour Amelia Rose Roskell-Thomas was born weighing 7 pound 8.  This is where it started to get scary.    Amelia’s cord was really short so I couldn’t bring her out of the water onto my chest.  The midwives had to drain some water quickly out of the pool so she could breathe.  Kelly cut the cord and blood went spurting up the wall which I don’t really remember but Kelly thought it was hilarious!  I was asked whether I wanted to let my placenta to come naturally and I wish I’d opted for the injection straight away.  After an hour my placenta still hadn’t come out.  They’d had me sat on the toilet to try and get it out but no luck and even after the injection it didn’t come out.  The midwife examined me and asked if I needed a wee.  I said I didn’t but she told me I needed a catheter as my body was holding water so my placenta couldn’t come out.  I’d just given birth but I was terrified of having this done.  Turns out I really did need a wee and a whole bucket load came out!  The midwife then literally wrapped her hand around the cord and pulled my placenta out.  It was disgusting!

The midwife explained that she didn’t know if I had a 3rd degree tear or a 2nd so I had to go up to the ward to be looked at by a doctor.  I was took up on my own and a worried looking Kelly was left holding Amelia.  I was in a room on my own bleeding loads for about half an hour before Kelly came in with Amelia.  I was white, shaking and didn’t want to hold Amelia as I didn’t feel strong enough.  We had no idea what was going on and whether this amount of blood was normal.  After about 1 and a half hours finally a doctor came to see me (there was only 1 doctor for the whole ward).  She said she could sew me back up there as it was a 2nd degree tear and got me the gas an air and injected some local anesthetic.  She started and I could feel most of it!  I kept saying that the anesthetic hadn’t worked everywhere but she told me to use my gas.  The gas just made it worse because then I was like a drunk apologising for being such a baby when someone was literally sewing my bits back together.

Looking back on my birth it wasn’t exactly what I wanted; I didn’t feel like I got that special bonding moment as soon as Amelia was born but we were both safe and healthy and in the end that’s what matters.  Nothing prepared me for what labour was going to be like but women are built for this.  We are stronger than we think and I am totally in awe of what our bodies can do, we are amazing.



Our Breastfeeding Journey

Firstly this is not a ‘breastfeeding is best’ post.  Formula feeding mothers and breastfeeding mothers both get stick and it’s ridiculous.  We are just feeding our babies and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business what method we use.  I think formula is an amazing thing, for those who can’t breastfeed and for those that simply don’t want to, fed is best!

I have had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.  From the very beginning it was hard, really bloody hard.  Amelia was really tired after she was born.  It’s not just mothers who have a hard time in labour you know!  That didn’t stop the midwives telling me ‘she must feed’ whilst trying to shove my boob into her mouth constantly.  Amelia was then given a little bit of formula and was stripped off to ‘wake her up’.  This only resulted in her temperature dropping and heart rate dipping meaning she was given unnecessary antibiotics just in case.  So you might say we didn’t have the easiest of starts which was such a shame after a fairly normal delivery.  The morning after her birth when we were all alone Amelia latched on and fed, I was so relieved and happy.  If we had just been left to recover and bond properly we wouldn’t have had any issues.

When we got home the next lot of problems started.  Amelia wanted to feed all the time like any newborn, but I didn’t have a clue what I was doing or if I was doing it correctly.  I was so sore I sent Kelly out to the pharmacy to get me some Lanolin cream (which is a amazing!) whilst I sat and cried and winced in pain as Amelia was feeding.  We went to anti natal classes and they obviously promote breastfeeding but not once did they mention how hard it could be or what to do in that situation.  Luckily my friend had been through it all before and I asked her for advice.  The biggest help was from a charity called FAB who specialise in breastfeeding and came out to see me a couple of times to make sure Amelia’s latch was correct and what I could do to ease the pain.  They text me to see how I was getting on in the early days and I could contact them if I had any questions.

I think Amelia was about 8 weeks old when we first gave her a bottle, another useless piece of advice from our anti natal class.  ‘Babies might get nipple confusion and refuse the breast if you give them a bottle any earlier’.  How about the fact that if you wait this long they might refuse anything other than the real deal.  And this is what we have, a bottle refusing, booby monster called Amelia!  She has only ever took 2 or 3 bottles and has refused ever since.  She would gag or just mess with the teat and get really upset when we tried her and to be honest when I was struggling with PND and anxiety trying to get her to take one made me so much worse.  I spent my days worrying about why she wouldn’t take a bottle, what would happen when I went back to work and how I’m never going to have a social life EVER AGAIN!  Obviously I was getting way too worked up and she’s not going to be breastfeeding for ever but anxiety is a horrible thing and I couldn’t stop the thoughts.  As I got to speak to more mummies (and my medication kicked in) I realised that some babies will never take a bottle, and that is OK.  I will have more of a social life again eventually and it will not last forever.

The nights have been difficult as they usually are for the first few months.  Breastfed babies tend to not sleep for long periods for quite a while which is exhausting!  Amelia sees me as her comfort and if she wakes in the night that is what she wants so although Kelly is amazing and goes in to give her a cuddle, eventually I’ll have to go and feed her to settle her.  I am so used to this now though and Amelia doesn’t wake as often anymore.  It does mean though that I am not up for very long as she has a quick booby cuddle and goes back to sleep.  The boobs have helped with teething, temperatures and the chickenpox and in times like these I am glad I am still feeding her.  We did do a bit of sleep training with Amelia and had to stop feeding to sleep which has really helped her get back to sleep herself in the night.  Now if she wakes she is usually genuinely hungry or feeling unwell.

I have always felt quite confident feeding Amelia when we are out and about although there have been some comments that have annoyed me, whether they’ve been said about me or someone else breastfeeding.  The first and most common one I’ve heard, ‘you’re being used as a dummy’.  No, a dummy is a replacement for a boob, we have been around a lot longer than the dummy.  I am being used for comfort and it is perfectly normal for a baby to need that comfort.  I have nothing against people who use a dummy, I tried and tried to get Amelia to take one to give me a break but like the bottle, she wasn’t having any of it.  Another one is ‘you’re always feeding her’.  Some babies, especially breastfed babies don’t work well with schedules.  Sometimes they might go 2-3 hours between feeds.  Sometimes they might have a feed and then decide they want more 30 minutes later.  Amelia was and still is a snacker.  She has never ever had a feed that lasted more than about 10 minutes meaning when she was little she she fed A LOT!  People seem to think babies all work the same, that what works for one should work for another and that couldn’t be further from the truth.  It’s no wonder that mummies get PND and anxiety, I know I was constantly comparing Amelia’s feeding habits to other babies I knew when I didn’t feel confident in my parenting.  The other comment that drives me mad is ‘oh you’re still breastfeeding?’ or ‘when are you going to stop feeding her?’.  She won’t take a bottle and right now I don’t feel like she’s ready to stop.  It gets a bit tedious having to repeat myself!

This seems like a bit of a moany post about breastfeeding, there isn’t enough support and it is really hard but I have loved breastfeeding and I am proud that we have come this far.  We’re on the journey now (how ever long that might be!) to wean off the boob.  I am feeding less in the day now and I am hoping to wean her off around the 2 year mark.  I will be glad to get my body back but I will miss those sleepy milk cuddles and her cheeky little grin she gives me when she’s looking up at me.



Medication Withdrawal Update

I’ve been withdrawing off Sertraline for about a month now so I thought I’d do a post about how I’ve been feeling.  I started off by reducing my dosage from 50mg to about 25mg a day.  I say ‘about’ because I was splitting a tiny tablet in half and sometimes it didn’t split exactly down the middle.   In my last post I said that I wasn’t feeling any different 3 day into it…well that changed!  I started feeling really, really tired, had headaches and felt like my eyes were bulging which was horrible.  I’d say that lasted a week or two and then slowly disappeared and I felt back to my normal self.

We went away a couple of weekends ago to stay with my Dad’s cousin and his family down in Beaconsfield and on the second day there I forgot to take my tablet.  I decided that seen as I had missed one anyway I would go to taking half every other day.  Again I felt OK at first and then the tiredness and headaches started again.  They didn’t last as long this time and I feel fine now.

Throughout this withdrawal period I haven’t felt any anxiety returning which is excellent and the side affects have been manageable.  Yes, it wasn’t the nicest feeling but the second time round I knew it would get better so I pushed through it.  I have forgotten to take half a tablet today and I’m not sure whether to stop altogether now or just take it when I get home.  I’ll keep you updated on the next stage!


Disney’s First Gay Kiss (The Horror!)

Disney cartoon Star vs. the Forces of Evil featured some couples kissing in the background last week and yes, some of them were same sex!  Although Disney has featured a gay relationship before on Good Luck Charlie this was the first kiss they have shown.  This actually passed by without much reaction until One Million Moms got hold of it.  As much as I hate to add a link to their website, I have so you can go and see some of their other ridiculous campaigns.  They don’t want anything on TV or in the media that their children may come across that isn’t Christian friendly.  This includes foul language, sexual and LGBTQ references.  They are campaigning to get people to sign their pledge to say they will not support Disney unless they produce family-friendly entertainment.  This is family friendly, just not for your family!

One Million Moms have said “This is the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, and it is becoming extremely common and unnecessary.”  The biggest thing I take from this is ‘parents’.  THEY don’t want their children to see a gay kiss.  THEY don’t agree with homosexuality.  THEY think it is unnecessary.  Children are born without fear, thus without prejudice.  It is taught and learned from those around them, be that their parents, grandparents or teachers.  They are bringing up their children to be fearful of people different from them, or worse, bullies.

I am an atheist.  I frankly find it scary that clever people think there is some man in the sky that is watching over us all yet atrocities are happening every day all over the world. Babies are dying, terrorists are blowing people up, yet God can’t do anything about this?  I would never say this to someone who believes in God (although I realise I may be doing now!) as it is their life and their choice.  It is none of my business!  Just like my family is none of your business.  We are not harming our child, she is growing up with so much love around her.  She isn’t damaged, and will hopefully grow up to be a well rounded, open minded, welcoming individual.

Please watch this video of a couple who adopted 4 children from foster care.  One Million Moms trashed an article about them in the ‘American Girl’ magazine saying it was promoting a sin.  They adopted FOUR children and they are still getting this negativity!  How about you focus your efforts elsewhere and do some actual good in the community.  I am thankful that we live in the UK as unfortunately I can see this situation getting worse in the coming years in the USA.

People need to get with the times, love is love!


Lions And Tigers And Bears, Oh My!

Last weekend we went to South Lakes Safari Zoo in Cumbria.  They were offering free entry (up until 28th Feb) so decided to have a family day out.  We went with my sister Georgie and our friend Andrea.  With it being free entry it was packed!  We got there at the right time as about 10 minutes after we got in the queue, what seemed like coach loads of people joined and it was running through the car park.

As soon as we got in we got a hot chocolate as we were all freezing.  We saw a sign for a baby rhino but we had to pay £1 to get in.  This kind of defeats the object of it being free entry but £4 (Amelia was free) instead of £66 can’t be complained about!  We got to see giraffes as well which Amelia loved.


We decided to have a walk round before getting lunch.  We saw vultures, flamingos, leopards, lions, wolves, lemurs, peacocks, capybara and many different birds.

We went to the restaurant to warm up and get something to eat.  The food was decent enough and they had a lot to choose from.  We wandered around a bit more and got to see the tigers but it was so busy we didn’t get to see the penguins.  Amelia was getting tired by this point so we decided to head home.  We looked around the gift shop first and we got Amelia a baby rhino cuddly toy and a magnet.  We try and get a magnet wherever we visit as a little reminder of our day.

We all had a great day out but I am glad entry was free as there definitely wasn’t as much to see as there is in summer.  We’ll definitely be back, maybe next year in the warmer months.  Amelia will get more out of it then and we’ll be able to see more animals out and about!

Credit to Georgie for the great photos 🙂


Afternoon Tea Treat!

On Friday I decided I wanted to organise a little treat for us all on Saturday.  Some of my mummy friends had talked about a place called J&L Vintage Tearooms so I had a look online and sent them a message about booking afternoon tea.  I asked if they did gluten free afternoon tea which they did so I booked us in.

We arrived and were welcomed by Louise and Jill.  We ordered two classic afternoon teas and a sandwich for Amelia.  We both had a cup of tea served in pretty china teacups and a teapot.  I ordered a salmon and cream cheese sandwich and Kelly got a tuna mayonnaise sandwich.  We got a gluten free scone and a gluten free cupcake each.  I wasn’t expecting mine to be gluten free too but I was glad I did as they were so tasty!  Other gluten free cake we have had before has been dense and dry but these were lovely and light.

Amelia did a rubbish job of eating her sandwiches and was far more interested in what we had to offer!  She was well and truly spoilt and her cuteness won her some chocolate buttons from Jill.

The tearooms are well equipped for children and have my favourite Ikea high chairs.  Amelia is so dinky that other types of high chairs don’t give her enough support and I love it when we find somewhere that has them.  There were loads of toys to keep her amused and Amelia spent a lot of the time on the floor playing with Jill and her daughter who is also called Amelia!  We kept joking that we would leave Amelia there and go and do our shopping, they were so good with her.  We had a great afternoon at J&L Vintage Tearooms and highly recommend it, we will definitely be back!


A Little Medication Update

I went to the doctors on Tuesday to talk about weaning myself off Sertraline.  She explained that as I’m on such a low dose (50mg) anyway there aren’t any specific guidelines about coming off them.  We decided that I would try and split the pills in half and start taking half a day.

I’ve been taking half for 3 days now and haven’t noticed any changes although I know it’s early days yet.  The doctor advised that I do this for at least 2 weeks and then I can come off them completely.  I’ll see how the next couple of weeks go and I’ll decide then if I feel ready to come off them.

I’ll do another post in a couple of weeks and update you on how I’m feeling and whether I’ve decided to stop altogether.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!